An insightful post by KidPhone Advocate’s own Child Counselor Expert, Jacques Sumida
If this topic makes you feel uncomfortable, the first thing you tell your child is just that. Often honesty is the best policy, cliché but true, but then it becomes easier just knowing that maybe one or both of us is uncomfortable; common ground with a teen should never be underrated.
1. The Law
An easy starting point for this conversation may also be to talk about the law. It is illegal for ANYONE to view nude pictures of someone under the age of 18. My 15 year old daughter said to me with an exaggerated tone in her voice “What? It’s illegal even if they are the same age?” Yes, difficult to understand, but it is true. The reason it is illegal is because it is technically child pornography. In the hands of a predator an “innocent” picture between girlfriend and boyfriend becomes a lucrative picture to send around the world.
2. Child Pornography
Although I usually do not recommend “shock talk,” in this case sharing with your teen the truths of sexting may be important. A picture sent to one recipient may not stay with just the person it was intended for. Worst case scenario, the nude picture may end up around the world on cell phones and computers within minutes. In some cities around the U.S., teens are being prosecuted for such pictures with a child pornography charge, and sometimes this means registering as a sex offender.
3. Expectations and Limitations
Talk with your child about what they are doing in cyberspace, what social networking sites are they on, and of course who are they texting. Filters on your child’s computer are only one safeguard, having the computer in a public area of the house is another safeguard. MySpace and Facebook can be fun for teens, but limiting the information they provide, setting the security high on the forum, and making sure they do not accept anyone they don’t personally know, are a few safeguards for parents. You should also have their password for these sites to check what they are posting. Don’t worry if you don’t know how to do this, it will be fun to hang out with your teen and learn.
I had a client that accepted a girl from her high school as her friend on MySpace, but did not really know who it was. She later received naked pictures of this girl and immediately reported it to her school. It turns out that this “girl” was really a male from her school and that 3 other girls had received the same offending pictures. The point? YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU ARE REALLY TALKING TO ON THE COMPUTER OR TEXTING.
If your teen needs an example of this, then have someone else text them for you and soon they will comment about why you’re acting so weird, which is when you let them know it was really Aunt Jenni texting them. It’s an innocent way of proving your point.
4. More Restrictions
Some teens require more restrictions because they like to push limits. Well, after all, it is a part of being a teen. It is tough to be an informed parent these days. It is best to have frank discussions with teens, but if they continue to push limits, you can consult a professional or restrict the item that is causing problems. For instance, if there are inappropriate texts, then shut texting off. KidPhone Advocate.com can also provide these additional restrictions.
This is a very brief outline, but do not hesitate to get as much information as you can online, at your public library, friends, family, professionals or even your own teen. Knowledge is power! Communication is the key, so even if you’re nervous or give wrong information, the point (especially to children) is you are trying and that you care. If the first talk doesn’t go well, then try two days later and keep going. Teens act like they don’t like us, but they still really do want attention and love from their parents